My hubby and I recently got matching tattoos. Kinda cheesy, I know. There's a backstory, I promise, just listen. One day we were hanging out at a BBQ and a good friend was like "Hey, you wanna get tatted today?" And we were like "sure, why not!" A couple hours later and we ended up in a cool, hip, tattoo shop. Don't ask me the name of the shop, because I honestly didn't pay much attention, I guess you could call it living life on the edge. Anyways, we're at the shop, adrenaline rushing through our veins from the excitement. I'm scrolling through my many pins of tatoos on Pinterest & my hubby is patiently waiting and pretty much down for whatever. We'd thought about getting matching tattoos for a few months prior but hadn't decided on anything. After 30 minutes of real soul searching, we made a lifelong decision. Some people call it reckless, I call it adventurous. Don't worry, we didn't get each other's names enclosed in a heart. We got the word "Always". Nothing before it and nothing after it. Just, "Always". And although it was a spur of the moment decision, there's much meaning behind it. "Always" represents what we always want to strive for, along with what we always want out of our marriage. Now I wish that I could say that we "always" practice these things, but that would be a lie. I'll say that these are things that we WANT to always do, or feel, or think, or say.
We always want to feel ACCEPTED by one another. I think there are times in relationships where it can be really hard to accept. Whether it be the past, or characteristics that you aren't too fond of. Either way, if you've chosen to be in the relationship, or in my case, a marriage. You've got to accept your partner, through the good and the bad.
The feeling of being NEEDED. This is a big one for my husband. Sometimes I get so caught up in my day to day routine and taking care of business that I genuinely forget to make it obvious that I NEED my husband. And while I wish that I just needed him to open the salsa jar for me, or carry my heavy bags. I really need him to slow me down. Sometimes I move a mile a minute, and I am into the next week before we make it to Tuesday. Somehow he always seems to catch up to me and calm me before my feet hit the ground running again.
You need to feel SAFE. And I'm not talking about physical safety because that should go without saying. I'm talking about true, emotional safety. Where you can be open and vulnerable.I know that I can be real, raw and sometimes dramatic, but the one thing that remains the same is my safety. And I don't have to put up a wall every time there's something on my mind. There is no place for walls, in a relationship. And if there are walls, you may need to borrow Miley's wrecking ball, and knock them down, before you continue to pursue a lifetime with someone. Because if you can't feel safe with someone, you can't really feel anything. Anything good, I should say. Also, once you are comfortable and safe within the depths of your partners heart, you can't abuse that safety. Ex. I've said things to my husband that I wouldn't dare say to a stranger. Why? Because I feel safe with him and know that he will spare me from rejection. But that doesn't mean I get to take advantage of that safety. So I've honestly had to check myself... a few times. .
Girls just wanna have FUN... And guys too. We all want to have fun! A marriage is a lot of hard work, so there definitely needs to be some playful fun along the way. I have found that now that we live together, normal day to day things can be "fun". Like have you ever gone to the grocery store with your partner? So fun! Unless it is after a long day of work, and then my husband can tell you that I don't find it the least bit fun.
Communication is key. Trust me, this is probably the most important one for me, personally. I tell my husband how I feel, at least 2 to 3 times a day, if not many more. This is also probably the area where we've come the furthest. Before me, my husband was used to very little communication, (I heard it's a guy thing). But that's just it. Men were born with a mouth and vocal cords just like us ladies, so they are capable of communicating just like us. Communication is so important for any relationship because unfortunately us mere humans can't read minds. So with two people coming together, both with the inability to read minds, it is imperative that communication is involved. How else will your soul get fed if you don't open your mouth?
I've noticed that when we are doing well in all 5 of these areas, the feeling of love is also at an all time high. Which is our ultimate "always" goal. Because who doesn't "always" want to feel loved??
If you are in a serious dating relationship or marriage I highly suggest having the "talk" with your partner. And establishing your "always". Once you establish your "always" you will have guidelines to fall back on. And you will know what is most important to you and your partner. Establishing guidelines or goals will help you get and stay where you need to be within your relationship. And for us, that will always be, showing our need for one another, feeling safe, having fun and accepting each other, flaws and all!
And remember...You don't need a tattoo to profess your love or remind you what you should be doing. But... a little ink never hurt anybody!!
I'd love to hear some of your relationship goals, feel free to share in the comments below!